Happy Mom's day, all. That really makes no sense, considering my friend base, but, whatever. Onto the news:

Gas Reaches $4 In Some States:
Y'know, this is horseshit. You know when you're watching a movie from earlier in your life, and you see that gas is around $1.19? It wasn't all that long ago. What makes it even worse is that regardless of how many "DON'T BUY GAS ON THE **th!" e-mails you get, the only difference that will make is that everyone else will be buying more some other day.

Wildfires Out Of Control In California:
Rumor has it that this was caused by Paris Hilton. Why? Street cred. Helps out in the joint.

Spiderman 3 Breaks Box-Office Records:
Don't give Kirsten Dunst anymore reason to make movies. At one point I thought this girl was attractive. Now she looks like a Florida ditch-pig. Her acting range consists of 2 looks: "Stoned" and "Baked".

Iraqi Government Plans On 2 Month Vacation:
I don't see why we're so up in arms about this. The new Iraqi government never really listened to us once they realized they were walking targets. If I were them, I'd take a serious look at how much a trip to Amsterdam costs in Iraqi dollars.

Circuit City Employee Busts Terror Plot:
Alas, since he's paid on commission, he only gets a percentage of the reward money. The only reason the suspects were busted at Circuit City was that they didn't want to hear about another f**king service plan.


That's all the sarcasm I can muster for today. However, I still plan on being sarcastic tomorrow. Have a pleasant rest of the day.