Thursday, May 31, 2007

Tech's ackward moment with a mother, her son, and "horse rape porn"

Horse Porn
I had a horrific vision of my future the other day. A future of... parenting. A future wrought with futile efforts of sympathy and understanding. A future of porn.

This woman was always a handful. About a year ago I setup a VNC server (lets her look at the screen of her son's computer from her laptop without him knowing). It's sneaky as shit, but since then she's managed to find out all his friends smoke weed and do meth. I wouldn't really care about the weed, but the kid is thirteen and it sounds like he has access to much worse narcotics, so I had no moral quandary about the arrangement. I also put a content blocker to block porn you can download from the internet, and drug/alcohol pages.

Anyway, I pulled up to her house she ran out and met me, regailing me with teenage horror stories. Apparently every person this kid knows is a) on myspace, b) a drug addict, and c) a total skank. She thinks they are all inter-related, I tend to agree. She asked me to just take a look and make sure that everything was looking ok on his computer. The catch was that she wanted him in the room with us while I was rooting around on his computer looking for porn.

Awkward much?

Why she insisted I be in there, I'm not sure. I guess she wanted me for moral support and to give justification to her actions if it came to that. After all I was the one who set this whole thing up, and even though I was getting paid I sort of felt obligated to help out.

I checked the log of websites he had visited. WWW.BANGBUS.COM struck my eye. I shuddered. She turned and glared at him.

"What's this Matthew? Bang Bus Dot Com huh? You went to this website?"
"Mom, fuck, why do we have to do this?"
"Tell my son why this stuff corrupts his mind and degrades women."

Then I thought of all the horrible, disgusting, mindfucking, degrading, scummy porn I had ever watched in my life, and karma laughed at me long and hard. I ended up giving a half-assed answer and made up some statistic about porn and kids who kill people or something. It was good enough I guess.

I deleted limewire at her command, which cant really be effectively blocked by a content filter on a mac. Then I saw it- the limewire shared folder. Oh, what horrors would lie within? I stealthfully trashed it, but I was caught. I played dumb and opened it up for her to see. Matthew, I saw, was cringing.


I felt ill. Not because of the porn, but because of what I knew was going to happen next. After what seemed like ten minutes but was probably ten seconds, she said, plain as day,
"Son, why do you have horse rape porn on your computer?"

How the fuck are you supposed to respond to that?

"Open it up, I want to see it."

Oh please kill me. Can you imagine watching horse porn in front of a complete stranger who is paying you to be there?


And I'll never look at parenting the same again.

EDIT: Thanks for the moral support, but I'm OK (relatively speaking). I've been through infinitely worse (or awesome?) at this job (in house tech).

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